If you are struggling to get an antique table into your bedroom then this is the book for you!
Over the initial lockdown I was frustrated because I couldn’t go to my studio and make things out of dead rats, and I figured that some people may be using the lockdown to try and become amateur antique dealers. I wrote this to trick them.
Instead of teaching people if a table is art Nuevo, Edwardian or Elizabethan I thought I would teach people how to properly handle an antique table. Not in the sense of "bend your knees, not our back" - any idiot knows that. But something a little more detailed, how to properly date an antique table. How to woo an antique table.
With details on how to find your ideal antique table, a section of chat up lines to use with an antique table and a vast detailed section of dating tips for you and your antique table. With suggestions like:
- Skinny Dipping
- Visiting a Museum
- Going Hunting
And much, much more.
If you read my book you'll be rummaging in their drawers in no time at all.
An Antique Table offers stability in a relationship and before long you may even have your own little nest of tables or perhaps if you really follow the instructions you'll have yourself a lovely side table without your main piece knowing anything about it.
At the back I've included some photos of my Bad Taxidermy too!
So far I have written 3 books!
Uneducated Guesses, I found a load of big words I don't understand and I guessed their meaning and illustrated each example.
How To Date an Antique Table - a lovers guide, everything you need to know about how to enter a consensual and potentially loving relationship with an antique table.
More Ewe Know, a book of well researched fake facts.
All three books are illustrated!
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No refunds on digital products.