As Christmas approaches I will be posting out orders more frequently. The last day I will be sending out orders this year is the 18th December, the shop will remain open, but orders placed on or after 11am 18th December will be sent out in the new year. This avoids problems with the post office. I will also be topping up the website regularly rather than just on Fridays so keep checking back. Thankyou for buying my gear through the year and Merry Christmas.

How To Date An Antique Table, a lovers guide - digital copy
How To Date An Antique Table, a lovers guide - digital copy

How To Date An Antique Table, a lovers guide - digital copy

Regular price $4.00

 

 

If you are struggling to get an antique table into your bedroom then this is the book for you!

Over the initial lockdown I was frustrated because I couldn’t go to my studio and make things out of dead rats, and I figured that some people may be using the lockdown to try and become amateur antique dealers. I wrote this to trick them.

Instead of teaching people if a table is art Nuevo, Edwardian or Elizabethan I thought I would teach people how to properly handle an antique table. Not in the sense of "bend your knees, not our back" - any idiot knows that. But something a little more detailed, how to properly date an antique table. How to woo an antique table.

With details on how to find your ideal antique table, a section of chat up lines to use with an antique table and a vast detailed section of dating tips for you and your antique table. With suggestions like:
- Skinny Dipping
- Visiting a Museum
- Going Hunting
And much, much more.

If you read my book you'll be rummaging in their drawers in no time at all.

An Antique Table offers stability in a relationship and before long you may even have your own little nest of tables or perhaps if you really follow the instructions you'll have yourself a lovely side table without your main piece knowing anything about it.

At the back I've included some photos of my Bad Taxidermy too!

 

 

 

 

 

So far I have written 3 books!

Uneducated Guesses, I found a load of big words I don't understand and I guessed their meaning and illustrated each example.

How To Date an Antique Table - a lovers guide, everything you need to know about how to enter a consensual and potentially loving relationship with an antique table.

More Ewe Know, a book of well researched fake facts.

 

All three books are illustrated!

 

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No refunds on digital products.